Found Pages from Julia Lauren and Doc Gibson’s journals

July 13, 2002
So, yeah, I killed him; so what? I was just ‘toying’ with him; it just so happened that the toy killed him. Besides, he started it, toying with my emotions in the first place, the whole time trying to fix me. What kind of monster writes that kind of prescription. I am not the monster; I slayed the monster! After all, if you really think about it, he deserved to die. I was helping out society and all the other young girls he would have confused. He basically wrote out his death sentence on that little dastardly piece of paper, which I made him eat… Eat lead! Ha ha!

July 15, 2002
Anyway, no one suspects it was me. After all, I don’t own a real gun, just the toy he made me buy. As far as I am concerned he made me kill him. People are so stupid and backwards (me not included)! The whole thing almost makes me sad. My dad is so fucking pathetic, too, so pathetic I can’t help but adore him, especially now that I know he covered for me…

August 2, 2002

I am highly upset with my daughter. I know she killed my colleague. I did not really like him that much but I respected him and I certainly did not wish him dead. Anyway, she is all I have in this sad, cruel world so I had to cover for her. I cannot let the law take her away from me. Besides, it is all my fault, my failing as a father and a psychologist. I deserve the heartache for those reasons alone. I know I have been enabling her, but I have been enabling her forever, especially after her mother died; why stop now?

September 1, 2002

So now I have a gun. What do I do with it? Kill more people is the obvious answer. That is what guns are for, right? How would I know? I am just a little girl, daddy’s little girl. Ha ha! So I will find a way to make money killing people. I feel so dangerously giddy…!

September 9, 2002

I caught her again, posing in the mirror with that fake gun, looking at herself like she was James Bond. It is frightening (and even I forget sometimes) that gun though it looks like a toy, is not. It can kill. Obviously, I know I should take it away from her. I don’t for several reasons. 1. It makes her happier than I have seen her in years, and lots of times that is all that matters to me. A father’s heart is never so happy as when his daughter is content. 2. I could not bear to let her know that I know even though I am pretty sure she knows that I know. It would be awkward and unbearable to approach it that way. 3. This final reason I can barely think about… what if when I try to take it from her, she turns it on me and I become the next victim…?


is the first novella in Jason Tapscott’s Committed series.
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